Author: Dr Wingnut
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New Math Equivalancies
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won tonTime between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecondWeight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigramHalf of a large intestine: 1 semicolon1000 aches: 1 kilohurtzBasic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower1 million microphones: 1 megaphone2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds…
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Smitten
A man was dining at a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He kept checking her out surreptitiously, but lacked the nerve to talk to her. Suddenly, she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of its socket towards the man. He caught it reflexively and handed…
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Corporate Sports
Read the following six statements and the amazing conclusion they lead to:The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. The sport of choice for the maintenance level employees is BOWLING. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. The sport of choice for middle…
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Fords
Three brothers invented the air conditioning unit for the car. They went to Henry Ford to sell their invention, and he immediately knew the value that it had. Only one problem: they insisted that their name appear on the air conditioner. Because they were Jewish, Ford refused to do this, being a well known bigot. …
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The Kennebunkport Hillbillies
Just in time for the Bush inauguration, also known as the "Comedians' Guaranteed Employment Act (CGEA)," (Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies theme song)Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy named Bush.His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.He drank like a fish while he drove round all…
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STEP THREE:
Made adecision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.Many of us said to our Maker, AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM: 'God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self,…
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Instructions for Life
Instructions for Life in the new millennium from the Dalai Lama:Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.When you lose, don't lose the lesson.Follow the three R's:Respect for selfRespect for othersResponsibility for all your actionsRemember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.Learn the rules so…