Month: December 2004
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250 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate
Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. Twitch a lot. Talk while pretending to be asleep. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. Become a subgenius. Inject his/her Twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.…
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The new holiday
Last week, we stopped in the Radio Shack near our house to see if they had some doodad or other that was necessary for life. While the rest of the family went in search of the doodad, I was standing near the Virgin Mobile phone display; and noticed that apparently there is a new holiday…
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Enunciate
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his face. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet. “Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, I’m only here to wash your hands and feet.”He struggles again…
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Choosing
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.Dave Barry
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A Love Story
I shall seek and find you…I shall take you to bed and have my way with you…I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you moan and groan.I will make you beg for mercy… Beg for me to stop.I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I’m finished with…
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Responsibility
Although all men share a common destiny, each individual also has to work out his personal salvation for himself. We can help each other find the meaning of life, but in the last analysis, each is responsible for finding himself.Thomas Merton
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I am not obsessive
I don’t remember where I found this cartoon, but I enjoy it very much, because it isn’t about me. Much.