Dr Wingnut

Month: May 2001

  • Religious Philosophies of the World in a Nutshell

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    Dr Wingnut
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    CatholicismIf shit happens, I deserve it.ProtestantismShit won't happen if I work harderJudaismWhy does this shit always happen to me?BuddhismWhen shit happens, is it really shit?IslamIf shit happens, take a hostage.HinduismThis shit happened before.Hare KrishnaShit happens Ramah Lama Ding Dong.RastafarianismLets smoke this shit!via eMail, Tue, 22 May 2001 13:02:04 -0700

  • Transmitting information

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Memo from General Manager to Manager:Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff…

  • A train ride

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    Dr Wingnut
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    In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton, George Bush, a good looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Clinton had a big red slap mark…

  • Special High Intensity Training

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    Dr Wingnut
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    MEMORANDUMTo: All Staff MembersRE: Special High Intensity TrainingIn order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel…

  • Top 25 Country Songs

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    Dr Wingnut
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    25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.24. His Teeth Was Stained, But His Heart Were Pure.23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The…

  • How Many Church Members Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?

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    Dr Wingnut
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    CharismaticsOnly one; Hands already in the air ( Do I hear an "amen" )Roman CatholicsNone. They use candlesPentecostalsTen. One to change, nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.PresbyteriansNone. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off. EpiscopaliansEight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they like the…