Month: January 2001

Dear Mr. President:I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, specifically:Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita…

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing."There is only one pretty child in the world… and every mother has it."Chinese ProverbMothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach…

A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody– it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.When he had finished,…

A Harvard University creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements:ReligionRoyaltySexMystery The prize-winning essay read:"My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"via eMail, Tue, 23 Jan 2001 08:50:06 EST

LetterDear Tech Support:Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now…

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won tonTime between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecondWeight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigramHalf of a large intestine: 1 semicolon1000 aches: 1 kilohurtzBasic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower1 million microphones: 1 megaphone2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds…

A priest and a rabbi were taking the same flight and had seats next to each other.  After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still a requirement of our faith.”The priest then asked,…