Dr Wingnut

Month: November 2000

  • Darwin Awards 2000

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    Dr Wingnut
    in

    Hard to believe, but another year has passed… (For those who don't know it, the Darwin Awards are awarded every year to the person(s) who died in the stupidest way, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool…)The nominees are:NOMINEE No. 1:[San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break…

  • New Florida State Mottoes

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    Dr Wingnut
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    10. "Florida: We're… um… We'll Get Back to You on Our Slogan as Soon as Possible"9. "Florida: It's Not the Size of the State That Matters, It's How You Use It."8. "Florida: No Comprende Numeros"7. "Florida: WE'RE NUMBER ONE!… Wait, Recount"6. "Florida: This is What You Get for Taking Elien Away From Us"5. "Florida: We're…

  • No Crèche in the Nation's Capitol

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    Dr Wingnut
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    The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas.  This was not for any religious reason.  They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation’s capital.  There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.via eMail,…

  • Notice of Revocation of Independence

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    Dr Wingnut
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    To the citizens of the United States of America,In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except…

  • Office math

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    Dr Wingnut
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    A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his female secretary for some mathematical help."If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."via eMail, Wed, 15 Nov 2000 10:06:07 EST

  • A day at Home Depot…

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    Dr Wingnut
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    This picture is real – not doctored in anyway – and was taken last week in Waldorf, MD by a transportation supervisor for a company that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber yards.When he saw it there in the parking lot of IHOP, he went and bought a disposable camera to take pictures. The car…

  • Thanksgiving

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows…