Month: August 2000

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.  Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the…

A Debtor, called in for an audit at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.  "Wear your shabbiest clothing.  Let him think you are a pauper."  Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice.  "Do not let them intimidate you.  Wear your most elegant suit and…

In case you receive an e-mail titled “How to Give a Cat a Coloni” DO NOT open it.  It will erase everything on your hard drive.  Forward this message to as many people as you can.  This is a new, very malicious virus and not many people know about it.This information was announced yesterday morning…

How about never?  Is never good for you?You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.The fact that no one understands…

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed.  The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:Dear Sirs:While…

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.  This is a TRUE story.A crowded United flight was canceled.  A single agent was rebooking a line of inconvenienced travelers.Suddenly an angry…

It's late afternoon and two nuns are riding their rickety bikes on the back streets of Rome.  As the sun dips below the skyline and dusk begins to descend, the more nervous of the two sisters turns around toward the other and says, "I've never come this way before."The other nun replies, "Don't worry, dear;…