Month: August 2000

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!Bad command or file name!  Go stand in the corner.This will end your Windows session.  Do…

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Appalachian edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of the Appalachian area.If you have one of the West Virginia editions, you may need some help understanding the commands.  This edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.  It…

By Garrison KeillorI have made fun of Lutherans for years — who wouldn't if you lived in Minnesota?  But I have also sung with Lutherans and that is one of the main joys of life, along with hot baths and fresh sweet corn.  We make fun of Lutherans for their blandness, their excessive calm, their…

Phone conversations last 30 secondsYou know useful stuff about tanks and airplanesA 5 day vacation requires only one suitcaseBathroom lines are 80% shorterYou can open all your own jarsOld friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weightWhen clicking thru the channels you don’t have to stop on every shot of someone cryingYou…

"I got married," said the first tavern regular, "so that I could get laid three or four times a week.""That's funny," said another patron, "That's why I got divorced."

Assembler Chicken: First it builds the road…C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.COBOL Chicken:0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.IF NO-MORE-VEHICLESTHEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROADVARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTILON-THE-OTHER-SIDEELSEGO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSINGLISP Chicken: (((((((car(cdr(car(cdr(car(cdr(car(cdr(road))))…Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken,…

Anagrams – when you rearrange the letters in a word to make new onesDormitory = Dirty RoomEvangelist = Evil's AgentDesperation = A Rope Ends ItThe Morse Code = Here Come DotsSlot Machines = Cash Lost in 'emMother-in-law = Woman HitlerSnooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z'sAlec Guinness = Genuine ClassThe Public Art Galleries = Large…