Dr Wingnut

Month: August 2000

  • The Best Chain Letter Yet!

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    Dr Wingnut
    in

    Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion f**king forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them,…

  • The beginning of a Tradition

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    Dr Wingnut
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    One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip … but there were problems everywhere.Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.  Then…

  • The Beer Diet

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    Dr Wingnut
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    FACT: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On…

  • THAT PARROT

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    Dr Wingnut
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    A woman was thinking about finding a pet to keep her company at home.  She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; It wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.  She…

  • Spelling checker

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Eye halve a spelling chequerIt came with my pea seaIt plainly marques four my revueMiss steaks eye kin knot sea.Eye strike a key and type a wordAnd weight four it two sayWeather eye am wrong oar writeIt shows me strait a weigh.As soon as a mist ache is maidIt nose bee fore two longAnd eye…

  • Testing Her Hearing

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    Dr Wingnut
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    A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him."How bad is it?" the doctor asks."I have no idea," says the husband."Well, please test her.  Stand 20 feet away from her and say something.  If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thing.  Keep moving closer and repeating…

  • Ten Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer

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    Dr Wingnut
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    The monitor is up on blocks.Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.The six front keys have rotted out.The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.The numeric keypad only goes up to six.The password is "Bubba."There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.The keyboard is painted…