Dr Wingnut

Month: August 2000

  • THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN & WOMEN . . .

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    NICKNAMES:If Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.  But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.EATING OUT:When the bill arrives, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack…

  • The differences

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby.Sometimes a problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead.  Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to develop a male's…

  • The difference between men and women:

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.  As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells: PIG!!The man immediately leans out his window and replies with "BITCH!"They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner…

  • THE DARWIN AWARDS

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.Runners-up:[AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope…

  • The Cross-Torture or teaching Aid?

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    A ten year old boy was failing math.  His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail.  Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a…

  • THE CANDYWRAPPER

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.  I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"Well, she immediately went down…

  • The bird is the word

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    This was in today's Oregonian:Jim Morris thought there was something familiar about the three gold and white chickens he saw in the parking lot of the Motel 6 in Troutdale while on a trip to watch some motocross races.They even came when he whistled.It wasn't until he got home to Coos Bay that the Federal…