Dr Wingnut

Month: August 2000

  • The Rolls Royce

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce."  The loan officer promptly had the…

  • The Redneck Dictionary of Medical Terms

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    Dr Wingnut
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    ArteryThe study of paintings.BacteriaBack door to cafeteria.BariumWhat doctors do when patients die. BenignWhat you be after you be eight.Cesarean SectionA neighborhood in Rome.CATscanSearching for kitty.CauterizeMade eye contact with her. ColicA sheep dog.ComaA punctuation mark. D & CWhere Washington is.DilateTo live long.EnemaNot a friend.FesterQuicker than someone else.FibulaA small lie. GenitalNon-Jewish person.G.I. SeriesWorld Series of military baseball.HangnailWhat…

  • The Plan

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    Dr Wingnut
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    In the beginning was the Plan.And then came the Assumptions.And the Assumptions were without form.And the Plan was without substance.And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.And the workers spoke among themselves, saying, "This is a crock of shit, and it stinks."And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail…

  • The Photographer

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    Dr Wingnut
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    The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane."It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.As soon as…

  • The Perfect Story

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    Dr Wingnut
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    There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman.  After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.  Their life together was, of course, perfect.One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving a perfect car (a Lamborghini) along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the…

  • The Night Before Christmas – the legal version

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    Dr Wingnut
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    This is what the Lewis Carroll poem, "The Night Before Christmas," would have looked like if it had been "drafted" by a lawyer:'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMASWhereas, on or about the eve prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter the "House") a general lack of stirring by…

  • The Night Before Christmas – Internet Style

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    Dr Wingnut
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    A festive holiday poem‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,There were hacker’s a surfing.  Geeks?  Yeah, you bet.The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,While visions of Java danced in their dreams.My wife on the…