Dr Wingnut

Month: August 2000

  • THERE'S NO SAFE SEX

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    Man's penis cut off by vacuum cleanerLong Branch, New Jersey — Police say a New Jersey man trying to have sex with a vacuum cleaner nearly bled to death.Authorities say the machine cut off a-half inch of his penis.A Long Branch city spokesman says the unidentified man was drunk when it happened.He first told police…

  • The Y10K bug

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Y10K Bug

  • The way it is…

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    One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.The BRAIN said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."The EYES said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the…

  • The Twelve Days of Christmas

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Dec. 14, 1995My Dearest Peter,The cute little partridge arrived a little while ago, and the pear tree sapling came a little while later.  I'm not sure of the connection, but I love them.Love always,DoriDec 15, 1995Dearest Peter,Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.  Just imagine, two turtle doves.  I'm just delighted at your thoughtful…

  • The Trouble Tree

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    Dr Wingnut
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    The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job.  A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start.While I drove him home, he sat in stoney silence.  On arriving,…

  • The Top 10 Rejected Motel 6 Slogans

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.As seen on "COPS"If We'd Known You Were Staying All Night, We'd Have Changed the SheetsWe left off the 9, but you know it's there.Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.We'll leave the Lysol for ya!We…

  • The Techno Terms Dictionary

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    Dr Wingnut
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    486The average IQ needed to understand a PC.State-of-the-artAny computer you can't afford.ObsoleteAny computer you own.MicrosecondThe time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.G3Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."Syntax ErrorWalking into a computer store and saying "Hi,…