Month: April 2000

So-you think you've been embarrassed in public? The following are the top four winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest in the "New Woman Magazine"…While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks…

Pat BuchananTo steal a job from a decent, hardworking AmericanDr. SeussDid the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!Ernest HemingwayTo die. In the rain.Jerry FalwellBecause the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the…

Quotes from actual performance evaluations."Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.""His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.""I would not allow this employee to breed.""This associate is really not so much of a has been, but more of a definitely won't be.""Works well…

As soon as everyone is packing heat we'll all be a lot safer, right?An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it…

How do you decide who to marry?You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. – Alan, age 10No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God…