- If you think you're ugly, you probably are. Don't ask us.
- Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
- Sometimes we're NOT thinking about you. Live with it.
- ANYTHING you wear is fine. Really.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- No, we DON'T know what day it is. We never will.
- We're bound to miss sometimes!
- A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
- Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
- Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
- You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.