Arizona Barbie

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls exclusively for the Arizona market:

Ahwatukee Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.  Included are her own Starbucks cup, platinum credit card, and country club membership.  Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.  You won’t be able to afford any of them.

Apache Junction Barbie

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit.  This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small, untraceable bills.  However, if you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

Chandler Barbie

This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit.  She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education.  Radar jamming cell phone sold separately.

Flagstaff Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu.  She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks.  She prefers that you call her “Willow”.  She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Flagstaff Barbie’s and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Gilbert Barbie

She’s perfect in every way.  We don’t know where Ken is because he’s always away hunting.

Goodyear Barbie

This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer Gut Ken out of Apache Junction Barbie’s (discontinued) house.nbsp; Her ensemble includes low-rise, acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, a Blonde wig and a see-through halter top.  Also available with a park model trailer in a defunct trailer park.

Guadalupe Barbie

This Spanish speaking Barbie comes with a 1978 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats.  The optional Ken doll comes with a meat packer’s uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand.  Green cards are not available for Guadalupe Barbie or Ken.

Mesa Barbie

This stay at home Barbie comes dressed in a maternity shirt and knee length shorts.  She is sold packaged with husband Ken and 2.5 children.  Deluxe set includes a Ford Expedition and a double stroller.

Phoenix Barbie

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.  Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass.  Gangsta Ken (recently escaped from ‘government housing’ in Florence) and his ’79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Scottsdale Barbie

This princess Barbie is only sold at Scottsdale Fashion Center.  She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.  Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.  Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with “augmented” version.

Sedona Barbie

This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge.  Optional Percocet prescription available.

Sun City Barbie/Ken

These dolls are going fast!  Well, what we mean is they’re old and don’t have much time left.  Neither of them have a drivers license, but drive anyway.  They write checks for everything or pay with change, and can provide hours of endless repetitive conversation about “The good ol’ days”.  Can be seen in Barbie Grocery Store (sold separately) arguing over prices.

Van Buren Barbie/Ken

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple “snap-on” parts.  Usually found near 24th street.