Dr Wingnut

Why it’s great to be a guy

—

by

Dr Wingnut
in
  • Phone conversations last 30 seconds
  • You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
  • A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
  • Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
  • You can open all your own jars
  • Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight
  • When clicking thru the channels you don’t have to stop on every shot of someone crying
  • You don’t have to lug a bag of “necessary” items with you everywhere you go
  • You can go to the bathroom alone
  • Your last name stays put
  • You can leave a hotel room bed unmade
  • You can kill your own food
  • The garage is all yours
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
  • You see the humor in “Terms of Endearment”
  • You never have to clean the toilet
  • You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves
  • If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend
  • Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3
  • None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
  • You don’t have to shave below your neck
  • You don’t have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night
  • If you’re 34 and single, no one notices
  • Chocolate is just another snack
  • You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
  • Flowers fix everything (or duct tape)
  • You never have to worry about other’s feelings
  • Three pair of shoes are more than enough
  • You can say anything and not worry about what people think
  • You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
  • Car mechanics tell you the truth
  • You don’t give a flip if someone doesn’t notice your new haircut
  • You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking “He must be mad at me”
  • One mood, all the time
  • You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him
  • Same work… more pay
  • Gray hair and wrinkles add character
  • Wedding dress $2,000, Tux rental $100 bucks
  • You don’t care if someone is talking behind your back
  • You don’t pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else’s
  • If you retain water, it is in a canteen
  • The remote is yours and yours alone
  • You need not pretend you’re “freshening up” when you go to the bathroom
  • If you don’t call your buddy when you said you would, he won’t tell your friends you’ve changed
  • If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies
  • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
  • If something mechanical didn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room
  • New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet
  • You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny