- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.)
- Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No I’m sorry, I have to disagree with you there, Skippy.”
- Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
- “Hi-lite” your shoes. Tell people that you haven’t lost your shoes since you did this.
- While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in “Palmolive.”
- Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
- Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
- Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
- Insist that your e-mail address be: “ZenaGoddessOfFire@CompanyName.com”
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask, “Would you like fries with that.”
- Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the mail to a coworker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
- Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it, “IN”
- Determine how many cups of coffee are, “too many.”
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
- For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take off your snorkel and see how many fish you can catch in your mouth.
- Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts, etc. in the lunchroom. When people complain that there was none — Just lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”
- Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.